auntyyolly (auntyyolly) wrote in sca,
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Duchesses force change through BoD

There is currently a rumour doing the traps that the REAL reason the Society Earl Marshall has spoken out against lights is that there are certain Dukes in the Known World who do not want there to be plumed archers on the field, because then people might mistake them, with their horsehair ponytails, for archers (missing the subtle visual clues of Ducal gut and no bow) and then their Mightiness would disappear.

Outraged at what they perceived as another perk for the boys, the Duchesses of the Laurel Kingdoms have struck back and forced their own list of demands through the SCA Inc at an Extraordinary Meeting of the Directors on September 26, 2006. The following changes are effective immediately.

1. The following garb styles are prohibited to all SCAdians with a Body Mass Index of more than 28: Ancient Greek; Roman; Norse (sometimes referred to as Viking, Viking/Rus, Norse Transitional and Anglo/Viking); cotehardies of any description; short Italian Ren; Elizabethan with short trunk hose and tights; anything that creates a breast shelf (male or female).
2. Courtesan personae are banned outright, as is possession of the cinema release Dangerous Beauty.
3. Sir Brand McClellan of the West Kingdom may not wear long-sleeved garments until after the third week of autumn and before the fourth week of spring in any Kingdom.

When asked to explain the reasoning behind their demands, a spokeswoman for the Duchesses stated :”For too long we’ve had to put up with poorly dressed and unattractive people running riot all over the SCA. It’s just not good enough. We’ve given a lot to the Known World. Why should we have to dress well if they can’t be bothered? As far as we’re concerned, if they can’t be bothered looking good, they have no place in the Laurel Kingdoms.”

Some have spoken out against the new rulings’ perceived bias towards costume Laurels. The spokeswoman replied that the changes were not designed simply to bend to the whims of costume Laurels across the Known World. She added: “While most of our best friends are costume Laurels, this is a change that has a great deal of grassroots support. People wearing unflattering garb is a safety hazard. Poorly cut skirts can be tripped on, whereas catching inadvertent sight of a Duke’s manboobs can be so startling that some people have crashed into tents, and some women have had to reconsider their heterosexuality entirely.”

Pressed on some of the specificities in the new laws, Her Grace admitted that there were some issues of taste involved. “None of us minded it when the Dukes developed a craze for Roman and Viking back when we were lithe Viscountesses, but time takes its toll, and if you think it’s fun having an album-full of reign photos that show your upper-arm flab, think again.”

Queries as to the ban on courtesan personae were met with a curt rejoinder that no noblewoman would openly advertise that she could be bought, and hence such personae were against the governing documents of the Society. When pressed, the spokeswoman declined to comment further on record, although she was happy to describe in detail the methods by which she would remove the toenails of the next ‘shameless hussy who attempts to cosy up to my consort with her skirts cut up to her mirkin and breasts akimbo.’

The SCA Inc have released a statement that the changes are about “ensuring consistency across Kingdoms and making sure that middle-aged Presbyterians will not find themselves faced with confronting costume that could result in seizures. It’s a safety issue, and our insurers are right behind us on this.”

Sir Brand McClellan of the West Kingdom could not be contacted for his opinion on the new legislation regarding display of his biceps and forearms. The SCA Inc declined to comment, although off-record a source close to the President was prepared to say “The Duchesses wanted that in, and they scared us worse than the Dukes. They have hatpins, and they’re not afraid to use them.”

When asked why Sir Brand had been singled out, a spokeswoman for the Duchesses replied, “No reason”, and then hummed distractedly.
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Is it April 1st already? How time flies!
Thats Hilarious
Pity. A well-tailored cotehardie on a fat woman can look wonderful.
True, I must admit I was thinking fellas at that point. They go in and out in the wrong order.

tashabear

14 years ago

loopyzany

14 years ago

tashabear

14 years ago

loopyzany

14 years ago

tashabear

14 years ago

Another pity--a lot of hefty men have great legs. The ban on short trunkhose is unfortunate.
Possibly it comes from the exercise the legs get, supporting all that heft around. :D :D :D
-- Dagonell

liamstliam

14 years ago

It's like the Onion, but for the SCA!
LAMO!!!!! So glad somebody *finally* cleared that up for Brand ; ) Looking forward to a sightly Crown weekend! I hope he gets the memo...
Obviously no Ansteorran Duchesses were involved - they would have insisted Sir Gideon keep his cotehardies short. :)
heh. breasts akimbo. lovely image.
LMAO - now that is funny!
LOL... I love it!
That is the greatest post in the history of LiveJournal.
Look. Now you've done it. No. I'm really cranky here. I mean all I want to do is shoot people who are wearing inappropriate garb! Now my whole game is ruined. Ruined!

Fiat Fat Chicks!
Oh, that's so wrong... and so right...
Hehe. No way! Seriously? Well... then I'd have to come up with a list of things that just look horrible on skinny people. If we're limited, then they should be too!
Skinny people? You haven't been in the SCA long if you think there's much point making rules about skinny people! I mean, sure they start out that way, maybe, occasionally, if they're mutants or something... but the standard SCA governing documents guarantee two kilograms per year of SCA involvement and ten kilograms per peerage.

Making laws for skinny people in the SCA is like buying shoes for children: you don't spend much effort or money on it, because they're going to grow out them.

Re: Duchesses

pinque

14 years ago

Re: Duchesses

rentausha

14 years ago

Re: Duchesses

pinkdiamond

14 years ago

Re: Duchesses

pearl

14 years ago

Very funny! Thanks for making my morning :-)

Catalina
Your Grace, you totally win the world. There's coffee in my keyboard now.

So tell me more about Sir Brand... ;)
Sweet guy, good with animals and small children, funny, useful in emergencies, able to understand the the Australian bush was like neither the American forests nor the European woods, 4 per cent body fat, friend to Uther and Fabian, could lift heavy things one-handed and had the musculature to prove it, stomped around Rowany Festival shirtless some years back.

And no-one minded at all.

Well, maybe a few of the slarty old knights, but that's just jealousy speaking.

(He's actually a really lovely man and the large part of your brain that enjoys chatting with him and hanging out gets cross with the part of your brain that just wants to look at his perfect upper body, but that part of your brain doesn't care and makes rude hand gestures until the rest shuts up about the objectification.)

Sir Brand

visc_lore

14 years ago

Re: Sir Brand

thepurpleempire

14 years ago

thepurpleempire

14 years ago

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